took bus home just now. been sometime. enjoying the scenery. well not much. more of the olympics on tv mobile. took me an hour and fourty mins to get home. i always get bus sick..wonder why.
been pretty edgy these days. dunno why. think am having my period. sigh. a little bit of things just somehow get me worked up. its the time of the month. darn. will be over soon. been talking to wil a bit past few days. hopefully can hand over properly. and smoothly. and that he will know what to do when am gone. realise that both df and dq are very interesting creatures. no offence. ha. been observing them quite a bit. the fact that theres nothing much to do at sit test and i was the first to bankrupt gave me time in hand. ha. df got this.. 'hmmmmz' look on his face all the time.. and dq...ha u should have seen him play monopoly. looks as if his taking over the world. hahah.
going down for the idp thingy tomoroe and hopefully settle everything. and might just get a printer at comex. meeting mag for dinner and open waters. hopefully its good. and yes. once again am late.
lord thank you for the day and i pray that you draw me nearer to you.
stay humble. stay true. to yourself. to God.
desmond scribbled at 8:54 PM.
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think the olympic ping pong fever is getting to everyone. just had a workout at the table tennis table in the mess. tiring. ha. felt like the olympic. ha. read calvin's blog. he said something about not wanting to grow up. how true. i dont want to. all the responsibilities. the commitment. i wanna stay at 18. where all i do is go sch. sleep. eat. canoe. everyday. no worries. sigh. i really dont want to grow up. to face the society. the evil out there. ha. childish thinking. but still. i wish i was 18 every year. having my parents there always. but guess that will never happen.
i got to grow up. to take up responsibilities. to commit myself. to work. to earn enough for myself mag and my parents. i want to grow up. to be able to take care of my parents in return for all they have done. i must grow up. to mature. to grow. in thinking and in doing.
had some ritual thingy behind company for the seventh month. good that it was done in a way. dunno why actually. pen down the few uni that i would apply for this coming sunday. uni melb rmit unsw uwa. sigh. i just cant decide. why why. if only mag can tell me a confirm answer if shes going over. then i guess i wun have any problem deciding. oh well.
another day is gone. i wonder what have i done thats fruitful today. hmmz. settled sit test stuff rehearse for parade replied a few mails. darn. thats basically nothing fruitful at all. what a waste of time. but then again what could i have done? being trap here. maybe catching some crabs will help. ....
manage to save quite a bit this month. not much. but still am proud of myself. ha. at least theres 3 digit left. ha. not much to spend anyway. better get some rest. if not it will probably be the first time a parade commander faints in a parade.
counting down...
lord i pray that you watch over my parents and just grant them good health and that you will continue to hold me close and guide me to where you want me to go.
stay humble. stay true. to yourself. to God.
desmond scribbled at 10:49 PM.
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National Canoe Polo Champs 2004; the almost full team. that never got pass more than 3 games.
desmond scribbled at 10:56 PM.
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National Canoe Polo Champs 2004; the old birds team. birds that can only chirp and not fly.
desmond scribbled at 10:52 PM.
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My last field camp; officers of raven company.
desmond scribbled at 10:48 PM.
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My last field camp; y leong? and i.
desmond scribbled at 10:46 PM.
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competition was sucky. getting way to old for these stuff. ha. played like a freshie. everyone wanted to be sub. interesting situation compared to last time. realised how times flies. actually 4 yrs ago when i played my first competition. and how much difference there is now. in chinese theres a saying. got heart no strength. literally. no strength. couldnt last more than 5 mins. ha. how amazing.
sit test this week. pretty excited actually. first. and last time. doing it. hopefully nothing goes wrong. will do it together with wil. i cant teach him nothing abt sit test. cause i know nuts about it.
sunday was not really fruitful. sat at delta swimming complex the whole day. the sun sort of gotten into me. had a bad headache and made me in a foul mood. sigh. mag got third. not bad. but not much unity in the team. ha. cant comment much. as i myself cant really make it now. ha.
back to the island. 5 more weekends. 5 more book in. time flies. dont they. time to rest my tired body. all the aching. sigh.
thank you lord for giving me the strength to get thru my days. for keeping us safe in your hands and granting us journey mercies through our days.
stay humble. stay true. to yourself. to God.
desmond scribbled at 10:27 PM.
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had a good sleep though. woke up and got the urge to get the games thing done. did the stands and all and realise i can just use the cones. and the best thing? spent like 3 hrs to paint the flag and all on the thrash bag. and the paint cracked. talk about effort. gonna get coloured cloth this book out. end of the day felt like i did nothing.
life doesnt always go our way. if it did, none of us will have to work for it. but at times no matter how much you give u just cant get it right. thats life. aint it. reflections. thinking of what went by my now 22nd year. dint achieve much i guess. friends. plenty of them. true friends. prob a handful. family. been thru times where one wont imagine seeing the state that it is now in. one wont know how to appreciate till youve lost it all. or at least almost. imagine not having a place to call home. and sharing a room with your parents. and being able to see your dad like once a month. thats why now i appreciate simple things. of just having a meal with my parents. never take things for granted. for you wont know when you will lose them all.
going into the 2nd quarter of my life. that is if i leave this place at eighty. time where i should start working for my future. and planning for it. to be responsible for oneself. to be able to look after oneself. and be able to fend for oneself. scary aint it. decisions decisions. i believe God has it all planned for us. its just whether we could see the light and whether we would follow. pray. they say. and He will answer. i believe for he has answered. not once not twice. and he has done amazing things in my life to what i am today. to what i have today. friends family mag. how true can that be. no doubt i have back slided but deep down i still believe. i come to realised that in life if things dont go our way, dont blame Him, for his has greater plans ahead. all we need to do is simply to believe. simple it may sound but how difficult it is to be done.
hmmm. dunno whats gotten into me. writing all this. oh well. mag's at hoobastank concert at sentosa. free tix. ha. she even call me to let me hear the concert. all i could hear was just noise from the background. ha. its the thought that counts.
6 more weeks. hopefully i can leave in peace. ha. that everything will be handed down well and whatever knowledge and experience i have i will have passed them down. i hope. they say when you are about to ord just heck it. hmmm. somehow i just cant. maybe influence my orange cloth. or ben. ha. not that i cant let it go. trust me i cant wait to leave. just that i could leave with everything in order and in confidence that all will be good and even better.
can see the dedication in the three of them though they are still learning. somehow i feel that the way they work compliments each other. ha. lucky of orange cloth, myself, and the coy to have them and not anyone else posted into our coy. hopefully their zest and commitment dont burn out. i know they wont.
not a very good thing to have too much time in hand with nothing to do. one tends to think. and reflect. sigh. all the people i have offended along the way. the mistakes i made. if only i knew. if only.
over the mountains and the seas
your river runs with love for me
and i could open up my heart
and let the healer set me free
am happy to be in the truth
and i will gladly lift my hands
for i will always sing of
when your love came down
i could sing of your love forever.
stay humble. stay true. to yourself. to God.
desmond scribbled at 9:30 PM.
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amazingly the MO saw less then 2 minutes of my injured toe. and told me he would give me 2 days att c. ha. i need to get rid of the pain. not the att c. no use giving me even a hundred days if you cant cure me. hmmz thinking again maybe hundred days will do. would have ord by then. haha. got some antispetic painkillers and cream. doesnt seem to help. still hurts like @#!$
jan told me that its supposed to be removed surgically and the pain will be gone. guess the MO has got no idea on how to do it. probably why he gave me the att c to chase me out of the room. din wanna book out even though on att c. no much diff i see it. being here and home. just that i wont have to wear boots and shoes. but guess the sense of responsibility got the better of me. even after much saying by danny that its not worth it and no one would appreciate. some part of me tells me its not worth it. but then i guess to have one more officer on site at field camp is better than one less. other than the fact that am injured and cant walk properly. and i dun care how people think. end of the day is the sense of responsibility that i have learned throughout my army days. from bmt to sispec to ocs. if i know i am still fit enought to go on. why not? got this feeling that my platoon is prob saying why am not outfield with them doing runs with them and route marching with them. sigh. as much as i want to. i cant. but at least am there. this being my last.
mag got tix for this sat hoobastank concert. cant make it. am at field camp. sigh. hope she understands. i also wish to go if i could. but then again with my toe in the current condition standing for any period more than 30 mins would kill me. and the thought of being step on turns me off. anything near my big left toe 1 cm from it i will be super sensitive to it. try me. and see what will happen.
cant wait for the field camp to end. and the infantry dining in to be over. and my time to come.
and hope that i wouldnt wake up in the middle of the night due to the pain once again.
thank you lord for the day and the blessings you have showered unto us all. pray that you grant me strength to walk on the way you want me to go. lead me lord i pray.
stay humble. stay true. to yourself. to God.
desmond scribbled at 10:28 PM.
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got @#$! early in the morning of my duty. for not reporting. how am i suppose to know that i will stand in on that day. crap. and its the nation's birfdae for christ's sake. giveme a break. at least there wasnt much to do being a public holiday and all. got a good supper though thanks to erwin and gang. and also a good ndp on tv and of course. the long awaited. singapore idol. had a good larff out of it. but still. sigh. cant believe my luck. got !$*@ again in the morning when i was about to hand over duty. for not opening the armskote on time. nearly got extras for it. guess this is where my luck comes in. that i dint get any. anyway, my point proven. shit happens.
and straight after that got to go down for the IMT thingy. and after it all it was cancelled. and after that to field camp. sigh. wonder if its worth it all. all this shit. mag, benson, and dennis kept telling me jsut take it. ording soon. but the thought of it all is just. just. just. shitty.
embarked on my last field camp. finally. six more days. toned down a lot. seems like my first batch. gonna take lots of pics. for rememberance. better call mag soon. phone batt's flat.
thinking of getting a new phone. T630 just aint for me. thinking of getting iPod. thinking of getting another graniph tee. thinking of thinking that maybe i shouldnt be thinking of all these. thinking of saving my money. thinking of my aus trip.
my time will come. and it shall come.
lord i pray that you watch over us all as we are outfield that you will keep us safe in your arms and be with us always.
stay humble. stay true. to yourself. to God.
desmond scribbled at 9:29 PM.
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desmond scribbled at 9:44 PM.
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gonna meet up with kes for supper at changi v. another parade tomoroe. national day. blah. got a real cool calvin's wallpaper. just burp with the taste of my maggi mee dinner. arghz. called jansen. ha. forgot that they are 2 hrs faster. and he answered with a dreamy voice. ha.
cant decide what to do and where to go. uni newcastle? rmit? unisa? mech engin? indus design? sigh. rem jan writing in my P6 farewell book that i was fickle minded. guess his right. ha. and guess thats why we are still close till now. he can read me well. ha. got to make the decision soon. pray that mags coming over with me as well.
alrite gotta go. before am late. taking the fact that i got orange cloth's car for granted. isnt it how it goes. when u got a vehicle you always think aiyar still early. can make it in time one. at least i think that way. thats why ive been late alot ever since i got my license.
thank you for the day. pray that you watch over everyone and that you will shower them with your blessings and bring them nearer to you.
stay humble. stay true. to yourself. to God.
desmond scribbled at 9:25 PM.
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got some raid yesterday. wonder what was it for. just what is wrong with having a camera or even a camera phone??? are they afraid that we would take pictures of those crabs on shoulders sleeping? if not then what? i mean we are all nsf and on this island where weve got nothing but tons of recruits. what can we take. botak heads? darn. hate this. searching for stuff like burn cds and stuff. dont tell me all those ppl who are doing the raid dont possess them. purposely stayed in the mess to avoid them all. to prove the point that it isnt fair as some would not be checked at all. wonder if they check those up there at HQ sitting in their office.
another week is going to go by. field camp coming. everytime after field camp it just feel like the batch has ended. wonder why. maybe its because the so called most shiong part is over. but who cares. my last anyway. realise am forgetting a lot of stuff. too many to mention. should have suggest that my position would need a personal secretary. and also realised that i have been doing a lot of my clerks' job. darn. come what may.
feel that a lot of shit is coming. and once these are all over its over. you know how ppl always say how time flies. and we are like ah dont give me that crap. but really. how time flies. not trying to be chessy or anything. remember just comissioning and posted here. those slacking days. and now am taking my last batch. ha. when you are at the end, you look back and ponder, wasnt that like just yesterday?
i now know for sure am definitely not going into management and stuff as a career. paper job just aint for me. i need my space. to do what i want. to change. to correct. to create. and not to get information and pass them down. i mean, seriously anyone can do that. its just a message passing process. who cant?
hopefully mag can join me over there. now that theres a glimpse of hope that she can. would just not buy the web cam first. keeping my fingers crossed.
back to some more of those shit. told today that all of us are suppose to pay 90bucks for the dining in. i mean what the @*#! we already are burning our time doing and preparing for the event. and now they still need us to pay to go. why are we suppose to cover up for others shit when they are always out to stir ours. screw them all. its money we are talking about here. 90 bucks. get it right. HELLO? thats like what one eleventh of our pay. and we are being made to go. where is the freedom of choice. THAT is the problem. damn it. THAT is the fact they are always trying to bury under. organisation excellence. no offence to anyone. but. MY ARSE. orange cloth as usual volunteered to pay for us again. i told him no. and i mean it. its not about the money. its about the principle. how can they force ppl out of their will to pay. and of these are ppl like us who are burning our time and life here trying to make their event wotk by supporting them. and they actually have the cheek to ask us to pay. how about them paying us for all the work weve done to make the even run smoothly? darn. alrite enough of this. THAT is why ppl cant wait to get out of this. of this SHIT. period.
father forgive me for all my wrong doings and lord i pray that you will keep watch over me. all my days. and all my life. you are my strength when i am weak, you are the treasure that i seek. you are my all in all. lead me lord i pray.
stay humble. stay true. to yourself. to God.
desmond scribbled at 11:06 PM.
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where to? is the question. i truly believe that i will make it there if i truly believe. what irony. but what about the rest of them? those whom i so truly love and treasure. will they be there? time to let them know that i really appreciate for all that theyve done for me. esp. my mum. and dad. and of course maggot. isnt it the case where the ones you love the most you tend to hurt them the most too? by your actions and words. maybe cause you know that they will forgive you the next minute. thus making us taking them for granted.
officially 7 more weeks to go. went down to idp finally. applied for two more unis. the guy told me that its better for me to apply during the exhibition. thinking of switching course. been always on my mind. but realising that if i were to do industrial design i will stay in aus for a longer period of time. sigh. to do what you like or to do what can feed you? sigh. one extra year if i were to do industrial design. which means one more year of fees to pay. i more year of rent to pay. and one more year of food to pay for. money money. who the heck invented them. why cant we all just give and take. nothing's free in this world as they say.
bought TOTO. dint strike. damn. shouldnt have put my hopes too high. ha. just bought for the fun of it since orange cloth told me to help him buy. thought if i strike then i will have no worries about fees and stuff. i could even bring mag over as well. ha. daydreaming a bit. but its good to daydream once in a while aint it.
another week starting. start of a new month. my time is near. broke. 2 digits left in bank. 9 more days to pay day. 9 more days to field camp too. what the heck. also good save up for the aussie trip. and jan if you are reading this i will be going over with mag either first or second week of oct. and if you are studying for exams no worries mate. will bring some chicken essence and disturb you at the same time. am sure having my presence there will improve your grades and concentration.=)
lord i thank you. for all that youve done. for all the people youve brought me in my life. all the love and all the joy. i thank you. from the bottom of my heart.
stay humble. stay true. to yourself. to God.
desmond scribbled at 11:36 PM.
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bart's greatest fear is not that he is inadequate;
but that he is powerful beyond imagined.
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