Tuesday, June 29, 2004

nights off. nowadays find myself wanting to get out more often. is this what they call the ord mood? or maybe its just me wanting to get a break from all those people around. in a bah chor mee mood tonight. alright tomorrow night gonna eat with jan. realise a lot more ppl are actually going. thought it was only me jan yf and sijie. but well might as well. the more the merrier. been some time since i met most of them.

stood in for a meeting this afternoon. hate meetings. never liked them. always felt that its really meeting for the sake of meeting. somehow the 'up there' always seems to call the shots and decisions. isnt a meeting suppose to be for ppl to give their points and opinion? whats the point of it if ppl just dun wanna speak or when they speak they just get bang back straight in the face. how ironic. or maybe this is how the world goes about. tot i will be lowest ranked there luckily saw marx and erwin. felt more comfortable. cant believe it. talk crap also can go on for hours. was there for like 180 minutes. 180 torturing minutes. luckily he came and i could go. and believe it it went on for another 60 minutes. just what were they talking about. got absoulutely no idea even after 180 minutes. its like 2 football matches went by and got no idea what they were yakking about. beating about the bushes they call it.

no reply from ntu yet. no news is good news they say. dad's been pestering me again. sigh. when i was young all we wanted to was to play and have fun. studies was probably one of the last thing on my mind. now? ha. dying to study. how funny. the older you get the more you will know how to think. the more you think the more you worry. the more you worry the more stress you get. wouldnt it be good to stay young...





stay humble. stay true. to yourself. to God.

desmond scribbled at 8:57 PM.
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Sunday, June 27, 2004

another weekend gone.having dinner with mag and mum. talked about jan leaving. sudden rush of fear went through my mind. if i really were to go would i be able to leave everything behind. my friends, family and mag. seems easy saying going overseas to study but it just hit me hard that its not that easy to do it. maybe mag is right. im too over dependent. not just on my parents i believe but also on her. really cant imagine not having mag in my life. how different it would had been. thank God. but somehow i give her the impression that i am taking her from granted. if you are reading this. am not. really. honestly. i thank you.

praying hard that i would get a positive reply from ntu. somehow on the surface seems that i dont care much about leaving. who wouldnt want to stay and study locally surrounded by the comfort of love ones. if only it was up to me. dad keep asking me to check the net if the results are out. sigh. getting a bit on my nerves. i know his concern about it. so am i. day in day out been always on my mind. guess there are actually only four main things occupying my mind these days. uni. work. family. mag. somehow am always forgetting stuff. think something is really wrong with my brain. or maybe its just me. getting old too fast for my age. maybe its some brain clog thing. or maybe its the migrains. or maybe there are just too many stuff for me to remember. pentium 4 era and am still running on 486. gotta get some memory pills.

seven more days before jan flys off. gonna organise some makan session. wonder how he feels about flying there. this blog thing isnt suppose to be some stuff that i post on the web for everyone to see. just my feelings so that someday i can just sit back and look back on my online diary. that is if the internet is still around. my palm is actually still alive. thank to mag. if not would have to go the trouble to send it to ICU at ck tang. hafent even send in its warranty.

parade tomorrow. somehow the mindset these days for work is come what may. three more months and i will wash my hands off. for now, got to get back on the stupid ferry once more onto the island.





stay humble. stay true. to yourself. to God.
desmond scribbled at 10:04 PM.
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Saturday, June 26, 2004

seen jansen done this..tot it will be a good channel of output for the thoughts of mine too deep to come out from mouth...it always seems to be much easier expressing thoughts on paper...using words..rather than saying it...or maybe its just me..been a tough week.. lots happened in camp at work...mistakes...anger..hatred..sigh..

jan's leaving soon...one less kaki of the few that are left. true friends these days are really hard to find..you wouldnt know if its true till youve been through good and bad days together.. sigh. realised that people in this world are actually pretty superficial, putting on a facade. myself included. working for the good of oneself and not for the whole. whats wrong these days. whats with gossiping.. back stabbing.. what good can one benefit from it.is it out of fear or position?i wonder. was talking to william, if only everyone could just be agreeable. but then again if everyone would be like that guess we wouldnt know wads happy, sad. right, wrong. guess hes got a point.

people see others as wad they perceive others to be. for all we know that might not be his/her true self. a very interesting point which i gathered. the info we receive from another person is always a third hand information. what we feel might not necessary be what we say. what we hear might not be what others said. how true.

got rejection from nus again. fated. awaiting for ntu. really appreciate all the effort that my parents and mag went through for my uni stuff. hafent given up hope yet. cause i believe. believe in Him. believe He hears. and He answers. even if i dun get in it doesnt really matter, cause i believe that He has it all planned out. Lead and i will follow thee. who knows might just join jan at RMIT. who knows.

beginning to see life more. with the different kind of people in this world. different attitude, workstyle, lifestyle. beginning to regret saying how i wish to grow up fast, when i was a kid. at the same time appreciating more for what ive got. the people around me. my parents. maggot.friends i grew up with since pri sch. rem my dad saying true friends are those u made when in pri sch and whom stay through your life. how true.
growing up too fast. too soon. like mag says cant be protected all your life and be dependent on your parents. one seldom appreciate what they have till theyve lost it. is

learned something from mag this week. it takes guts to say the simplest sorry. sorry always seems to be the hardest word.is it the ego or wad. i said it anyway. and it really felt much better.no matter how the other party receives it. at least i knew i took e guts to do it.



stay humble. stay true. to yourself. to God.

desmond scribbled at 1:08 PM.
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