got ivan up in time. really grateful to him for all his help. been with me the whole day. talk about it. from jurong to hougang to clementi. got all the food. spent more money. its all worth it i guess. had i difficult time bringing her around to stall time. thankful to all who helped made this happen. ha. seeing the smile on her face. even though a bit of it shows me that she actually was suspecting and expecting it coming along.
had a good drinking playing session. less the fact that jh cant mix drinks for nuts. her mixer and liquour ratio is totally opposite. had a really hard time getting mag to sleep. she just kept coming down. ha. was good to see her drunk for the first time. and got a surprise seeing ivan drunk as well. been drinking with him for 5 yrs now. never seen him so dead before. only a few souls survived at the end. ha. and i was one of them. ivan benson gracie austine and mag were all zombies by one in the morning. ha.
went to get teabags for them. walked like 10mins and jh suggested we drive. what the heck. considering the amount of alcohol i drank i decided to go for it. now i know they sell teabags for 20cents at the coffee shop near macs. and i also know that the mama shop at the chalet actually sells them too. damn it.
had i good talk with lj and jh when we got back. dewei was half awake on the floor. they asked me how will it be if i were to go. what will happen to mag. like ive got a choice. sigh. was a bit surprise actually that they talked about it. guess mag was telling them too. but good to hear others views as well. and at the end of it all before gracie came down with a messy spool of hair and a sleepy face, there was no answers to it. guess when you got to go you got to go. but i believe too that mag and i will stay. together in the end. but we did conclude that we are all getting old. and its time to think about the future.
the first and last time am gonna do this. ha. super tiring doing this alone. luckily got help from a lot of them. really apreciate it a lot. and if you guys happens to read this in time to come. i thank you. really. for making it happend and helping along the way. and giving mag a memorable 21st birfdae.
gonna settle uni stuff on wed. apply for melb uni. and ask if i can hold my place in rmit. hopefully i can and save on the application fees. tired. and deadbeat. slept at 7am on sunday. need to catch it back.
lord i pray that you will guide me to make the right decisions in my life. and it will be what you want it to be and not what i want.
stay humble. stay true. to yourself. to God.
desmond scribbled at 10:18 PM.
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first time in my life i wrapped 18 presents at one shot. boy was it a challenge. even though some of them, alrite most of them, looked pretty bad. need more lessons on presents wrapping. got to thank mum a lot for all this. gonna cook for tomorrow. and help me get the food.
got william to cover me tomorrow. ha. kept telling them not to call me. i shall await the first guy to call from company. ha. been looking foward to this day. got a lot of people to be greatful to. if not for them tomorrow will not be possible. all my pcs, my parents, and of course friends.
1 plus am. cant get to sleep. ha. like getting my O levels results tomorrow. and it was a crappy feeling when i got it. ha. to think of it. pray that all will go well tomorrow. from the weather to the co ordination. and that there will be enough food. first time doing this anyway. need more alcohol.
better catch some sleep. lots of places to go tomorrow.
father i pray for good weather tomorrow and that you will just be with me through the day. sorry for all the trespasses that i have made. renew me once again as you lead me through.
stay humble. stay true. to yourself. to God.
desmond scribbled at 1:06 AM.
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had a drink with delson last night at mess. had a good talk. enjoying the sea breeze. woohoo. felt like some resort looking at the sea. but when i turned back. well it is still the same old mess. sigh. relaxed a bit. took my mind off work for a while.
oscar charlie's going on a trip this weekend to some country. damn. when bmt phase just start. but oh well. not much difference. need to find stand in though. hopefully wouldnt be that hard.
met danny in town to settle mag's stuff. got the shades she tried on the other day which looked pretty good on her. had dinner at ljs with danny. he paid. again. he kept insisting on paying. damn paiseh sometimes. wanna push the money here and there also not very nice. one fine day i gonna treat him back one time good meal.
gonna finalise all of mag's stuff this weekend. benson called telling me 80% he can make it. good. one more guy to help me. got ivan to help too. luckily. owe him one big one. hopefully he can get the van. gotta tie down things with gracie soon. 3 more days. hopefully it will all go well. excited.
gonna go down idp soon. try applying for melbourne uni. hopefully can get in. better uni. and can stay with jan. always better with ppl you know around. gotta find a week day that am free. leading a recruits' life nowadays...
lord i thank you for the day. for keep me safe and watching over me all this while. i lift your name on high.
stay humble. stay true. to yourself. to God.
desmond scribbled at 9:56 PM.
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Team Focus.
desmond scribbled at 9:44 PM.
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Urban Quest 2004 Champions Team Focus.
desmond scribbled at 9:44 PM.
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before the start of urban quest..
desmond scribbled at 9:42 PM.
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pick mag up from school again this morning at 1130. dragged myself out of bed. and she told me we are going town. i mean i was still in my sleeping attire. and she had no mention her about going town at all before that. promised mum to be home for lunch. dropped mag off at hcjc bus stop for lj's car. was really pissed. slept for 5 hours. waited for half an hour. and then going back home alone again. wasted effort. really was pissed. felt like an idiot. nevermind. its over. was really tired when i reached back home. wanted to forget it and pick her up from town but was too tired to do so so she took a bus here instead.
sigh still thought could spend a lazy sunday with her. guess it was not to be. communication they call it. got the new hillsongs cd. pretty good. but still think the WOW worship is much better. ended the weekend well i guess by going to the supermart with mag for groceries.
got to think of a plan for this sat. how to bring everyone there and not let her know. how how how. busy week ahead. got to go now before i miss the ferry. sick of it.
draw me nearer i pray father. draw me nearer to you.
stay humble. stay true. to yourself. to God.
desmond scribbled at 10:38 PM.
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suppose to buy curry fish head for dad while on the way back but was too late. realised i hafent kept lots of my promises to him these days. pretty bad. at least had dinner with mum. manage to meet up with mag and send her to school for training. was good to see her even thou it was just a 20minutes journey. legs hurting like mad. dont wanna sound like a wimp but kaoz the feeling of water hitting it was real bad. and it always bleed after i bath. damn.
alrite time to go back to the island again. oh and takas having food fare. too bad. gotta save. back to the bumpy ride to bunk. boy do i dread this feeling.
lord i thank you for the day. for keeping me close in your arms and watching over me. draw me nearer to you i pray. my lord.
stay humble. stay true. to yourself. to God.
desmond scribbled at 10:25 PM.
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6 more botaks left yesterday. good enough. had a 4.4km run with oc yesterday. and i fell. how clumsy can i get. kaoz. luckily not running with botaks. found myself out of breath much easier. getting older and weaker. sigh. and the static nearly killed me. been a long time since i did so much. and now my leg hurts like hell. when i bath its like biting into my skin. sigh. mum tried some yellow lotion on it yesterday and i jumped right up from the sofa. boy was it painful. one drop was enough. couldnt cover myself properly with my quilt. it kept touching the injured area. clumsy me.
gonna meet yf later. now that jan's gone one less to go out with. settle all of mag's present later. kinda lazy to drive. hopefully get yf to drive. idp finally replied me. and my campus is in the wooloo bundoora. suburb. guess theres good and bad. take a break from the busy lifestyle. mum's been asking when am i gonna finalise the uni thing. one part of me actually dont want to so that i wont have to go. avoiding the issue they say. sigh. i really cant bear to leave. but seeing that jan is doing pretty ok there guess should be pretty ok.
alrite off to meet yf. yawnz. lazy day. ten more weeks to go.
father i pray that you guide me and lead me to making the right choices and decisions you want me to in my life.
stay humble. stay true. to yourself. to God.
desmond scribbled at 11:02 AM.
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saw a lot of poly ppl there at the race today. doing their cheers. reminded me of my poly days. 4 years ago. when i was still in year 1. those were the days. now looking back and looking at them. i realised i look pretty stupid back then. ha. cheering. singing. doing some 'cool' hand motion. my goodness.
going back to the island. realised i only have got another 11 more weeks on the island. time flies. but not fast enough. ha. come on come on. 11 more weeks. come on. got to settle mags bdae fast. wonder when will i get the time to do it. every other day in camp. maybe on friday. back to the dust collecting bunk of mine. again. yawnz. happy anniversary maggot. i love you.
thank you Lord for the day. for keeping us safe and guiding us through. and for just being with us.
stay humble. stay true. to yourself. to God.
desmond scribbled at 10:20 PM.
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thought tomoroes parade would be cancelled. damn it. its still on. sigh. waste of time. dont they understand. that we nsf has got a life? after spending a week everyday, everynight in camp we need to get out and get some fresh air? they get to book out go home to their family everyday. WE are humans too. humans with family to go home to. gf to spend time with. we are not recruits. we need our own time too. and they got to do it on a sat. when everyone's booking out. what the heck. enough of this shit. talk about care for soldiers. seven days a week. 5 and a half day in camp. thats a recruit's life. we have already been through that. one and a half day out. thats like what? less than 36 hours out. but oh well guess thats life. accept it. it will come to an end soon. come what may.
staying for rt tomoroe with william. hopefully i will recover fully this weekend. lj bdae party tomoroe. dont really feel like going. but wanna spend more time with mag. oh well. sun is the amazing race thing. ha. hope it would be fun. and am alright by then. hope to really spend some quality time with mag this weekend. off to dreamland.
thank you Lord. for just watching over me in my life and just blessing me in each and every way that i may not see.
stay humble. stay true. to yourself. to God.
desmond scribbled at 11:35 PM.
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ran again this morning. william offered to switch role. dint want to. not really nice anyway. and again i thought i could run it off. guess am wrong again.
pissed mag off again. by forgetting again. sigh. really really think i need memory pills. how could i forget that shes got friendly with the national team today. but i was sick aint i? maybe thats not even an excuse. been pissing her off a lot recently by forgetting a lot of stuff. dead meat. whats wrong with me. sigh. what can i do to remember?
ippt tomorrow. hopefully lots of them will go. dint wanna set a standard. just want them to put in their best effort. as long as they give their best thats good enough for me.
medicine probably took effect on me this afternoon. or maybe it was just me being too tired. slept in dq office and in the mess. shiok. but nose still leaking after that. need more of that pills i guess. called jan. think hes good over there. or so he sounds.
find myself getting more and more difficult to wake up these days. maybe too little duty. should do more. or maybe am just getting old. or is it the ord symtoms? ha. dragging myself out of bed a lot. hopefully i will fully recover for their ippt tommorow to encourage and motivate them on. busy day ahead.
Lord grant me the strength and wisdom to do what you want me to do.
stay humble. stay true. to yourself. to God.
desmond scribbled at 10:07 PM.
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did some serious thinking. about my future. whether to switch course or not. since already going might as well do something i like. but realise what am doing is actually what i like. oh well. mags feeling real low today. sigh. how i wish i could make her feel better. or even bring her over. makes me real bad seeing her like that. trying my best to cheer her up. think me leaving again after her having to wait while am serving is really getting into her. too much of waiting. i can understand. sigh. what can i do. imagine her already waiting for like 2 years and now another 2 more if i were to go. she dont owe it to me. i owe it to her i guess. met her for lunch though. felt real good seeing her. ha. this pretty lady walking towards the car. ha. and shes mine. cant imagine when am gone. sigh. really really treasure her a lot. a lot. even though most of the time my actions doesnt show it. mags birthdays coming. gotta think of something. something good. something nice. 21st after all. gotta start planning.
flip thru my rmit stuff today. think this bundooru place is really oolu. cant find much info about it on the net. scarly its where all the aborigins stay. had katong laksa with parents today. been real long since i had a meal with them together. gotta treasure these times more. oh and jan is there. safely. with a parking summon. ha. called him. sound just like his at home. obviously hes not. suppose to open some account today. since am out on a weekday. but was too late. they closed. good life these people who works in the bank. imagine finishing work at 4pm. kaoz. how much better can it get. maybe studying banking is good. ha.
portugal lost. good. told you it will be a boring match. mag woke me up. luckily i went back to sleep. what lousy goal keeping skills. think my grand.. er ok think maybe david lee could have saved that. time to book in again. offcially less than 60 working days left. arghz. cant wait. back to the island. once more.
guide me Lord i pray. lead me. hold me. teach me. to where you want me to go. what you want me to do.
stay humble. stay true. to yourself. to God.
desmond scribbled at 10:30 PM.
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desmond scribbled at 8:06 PM.
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jan is gone. sent him off with mag. felt weird. really weird. ha. kinda miss him. am straight alright. but as a friend. as a buddy. of twelve years. dint really shake his hands or hug or anything. but guess its in the heart. he be gone for 4 years. pretty long. heard him say his scared of going. who wouldnt be. i could understand. i might be leaving to join him soon. somehow could see the sadness in him leaving. not really his usual self. new place new environment new friends. alone. not to sound bad. but luckily he will be there when i go over. reason for a smile. was thinking to myself if hes around he will probably be asking people over to his place for the finals tonight. lots of relatives there. felix was there too. yf couldnt make it due to work. wonder who would be there when my turn to go comes. or would i be just leaving myself. ha. rejected by ntu. at least its official now. can start planning. and prepare mentally and physically. thank Him. for i know He had it all planned for me. and jan if youre reading this be sure He will be watching over you and there by your side. for its His will. take gladness in it. see you in 4 months time pretty fast eh.
pressure sets in when you spend the amount of money to go overseas to study. wouldnt want to fail your parents and love ones who supported you. guess its positive pressure to turn into motivation. determination. really hope that mag can join me there to study. how? not quite sure now. hopefully i can find a way out. pray for a miracle and you will get one. if you believe. mum in full support of me going over to rmit saying its not a problem financially. its a lot of money i told myself. think starting to go work after ord might be a better idea. but nowadays the paper count a lot. dont they. 2 years for me if i go over. seems short. adding to the 4 months break at the end of the year. be there for like actually only 16months. sigh. never easy to put everything behind and move over to a new place. leaving the comfort. but guess mag its right. its a good opportunity to learn to be independent. not trying to sound like a sour grape. but guess thats the main difference in studying locally and abroad. the experience. lots made it. why shouldnt i.
wonder how jan is gonna do his house keeping. probably end up getting a maid. ha. but guess he will learn. and become a habit sooner or later. thats how the environment can work on people. making people do what they would normally not. definitely not out of choice. cause there isnt any.
off tomorrow. finals later. portugal greece. boring. will try waking up to watch. be praying for you jan. be praying for myself too. be strong for He is there. right beside you.
stay humble. stay true. to yourself. to God.
desmond scribbled at 1:04 AM.
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wanted to run badly this morning. to run and forget. to run it out. remember the time when i went running with ben e dick. was good. guess its a good way to unwind. 8 rounds round the track. getting the kick back when i use to run 15. those were the days. ha. age is catching up.
jans leaving. he really is. one more day. fast. how fast. saw kj todae. told me he got his rejection from ntu for his appeal. wondering if mine is on e way. ha. still believe. and pray. know that He hears. and answers. gonna send jan off tomorrow. wonder if it would be sad. but then thinking again nothing bad about it. his going overseas to study. to improve. to learn. should be glad for him. and if youre reading this jan take good care twelve yrs bud. might join u soon. who knows. who knows.
meeting up with mag for spiderman later with poly ppl. been quite long since there was such a group outing. meeting camp mates for zouk later. to unwind. hot day. monday off. yeah. can watch the euro finals. portugal greece. doesnt sound very interesting to me. but still its the final. the match of the tournament that all has been waiting for. isnt it. mags pretty piss with me not rememebering stuff. sigh. i pretty piss with myself not remembering stuff too. i really am. arghz. just what is wrong. too many things in my head. or maybe too small a brain. running out of space. gotta get lunch for mag later. got some macs coupons. on budget. real broke. where has all my money gone to?
been a long time since i took a bus. good time to think. to reflect. to watch the tv mobile. to enjoy the scenery. to sleep. and not having to worry about the blind spot. ha. long day ahead. hopefully i will have the strength to go through. come what may.
stay humble. stay true. to yourself. to God.
desmond scribbled at 11:58 AM.
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fell straight to the bed. zonked. slept all the way till around five. ha. but wads a sleep without disturbance phone calls from company. never once they wouldnt call me. amazing aint it. first call from tay saying the that his not my acsm liao. hmm. but he din say much as was busy. then william telling me that major changes in the specialists structure. was pretty disturbed at first. but then again. come what may. i told myself.
three more mths.
dad woke me up. asking me why i take off and just slept the whole day at home. wanted to tell him it was to reward msyself and to catch up on my lost sleeps. ha. but too tired to. just went straight back under my quilt. been long since i have a uninterupted sleep. today included. sigh. one of this day when am clearing my leave all am gonna do is off my phone plug out my phone line and just sleep. in peace. and ya lock my doors so that no one can come in and disturb.
mags not feeling well. cough. and pain around the stomach. too bad am not a doc. told her to see doc. and drink plenty. shes been sick quite frequently recently. wonder if shes ok. took mcs quite a lot. one of the reasons why she doesnt wanna go get mc. could understand too. if not ppl will think that shes malingering. hope she get well soon. din get to meet up with her as shes got training. yawnz.
mums home. same questions all mother ask. have u eaten? ha. got me a plate of mango. shiok. df msg. another hp lost. wad the heck. again. in two weeks. two phone lost. william called asking about it. and telling me the situation. how interesting. can be private investigator liao. ha. hope to get the culprit. bloody idiot. how can one actually bring himself to take what that does not belong to him. imagine that happening on yourself. guess he din think of that. if not he probably wont steal. sigh. gonna charge that bugger if we were to ever get hold of him.
gonna get back to the island later. start of a new month. woohoo. time flies. still remember i was the new bird officer. now. 90 more days. to clearing. kinda fast. but then again aint everyone looking foward to it. hope to hand over to william properly. and pass down whatever i know. somehow afraid to tell him to do things. afraid later ppl might see it as am shrinking from my responsibilities. but this is the only batch. i have left. ah but who cares what other thinks as long as my heart is clear. big task at hand for him. with oc gone and a new csm coming. but believe his able to do it.
broke. hmmm. everytime. ha. nothing new anyway. i guess. same for every month. really wonder where all my money goes to. everytime i go to the atm the amount suddenly seems to dip a lot. farnee. maybe the system is spoiled. gotta check one day. blame everything but yourself. isnt this the kind of mentality people have nowadaes. not have the guts to admit its our own fault. myself included. 3 more days to jan flying. counting down for him. no news of ntu yet. each time i open the letter box with hope. each time it doesnt come. darn. but i still believe. in Him. better go spend sometime with mum.
stay humble. stay true. to yourself. to God.
desmond scribbled at 9:04 PM.
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better afternoon when ben came back for his pink ic. mines coming soon. coming soon. be it for better or worse i just wanna get it. and leave it all behind. now i understand why people dislike the way this management works. you can get a thousand things done right, and just one minor fault. youre gone. ha. lucky i made the right choice. nsf.
off tomorrow. so that can meet up with jan and guys for late nights out. and sleep in. but wad the heck. parade again my off morning. arghz. so now got to go back on the first fast craft. and come out again after that. believe if this would to happen to someone else they would be grumbling non stop. dont wanna name names. but i suppose thats life. not everything goes your way all the time.
met jan and company for dinner at marche. was pretty late. talked to encik about company stuff. think he has got his points. but maybe its a bit too late or impossible to implement. sigh. dont wanna talk too much on this anyway. dinner was sting ray and crayfish. at marche. yes. marche. not chomp chomp. shared with yf. pretty good i must admit. decided to go to wine bar and zouk after dinner. yf was reluctant to go. i was a bit too. thinking of the stupid parade tomorrow morning. but manage to persuade yf to go. wanted to take a break there anyway. and also might be the last time to club with jan for a few yrs.got a few ideas from gh on how to ord earlier. ha. got no idea what those zombies were dancing in zouk. mambo nite. they all seemed to be hypnotised. all doing the same motion. had a pretty good larff out of it anyway. ha. left at one. four more days before jan flies off. sigh. one less best buddy. one less snooker kaki. one less talk cock kaki. one less to do anything you want to with. one less old friend. but guess it will be pretty fast. time flies dont they. looking back twelve years since i know jan. twelve years. pretty amazing i must admit. thank God. still awaiting results from ntu. dreading to go work nowadays. to face the people. to face the hypocrites. to face the act put up by all of them.
better sleep. before i faint in the parade tomorrow. no specs also. dont wanna strain my eyes too much. best time is when am asleep. no one to disturb. no worries. cause am away in dreamland. dreaming of what i want. and what makes me hairpee. off i go.
stay humble. stay true. to yourself. to God.
desmond scribbled at 2:07 AM.
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bart's greatest fear is not that he is inadequate;
but that he is powerful beyond imagined.
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