Monday, July 05, 2004

one of the worse weekends. one of the worse time with mag. sigh. really dint wanna hurt her. but i couldnt take it. i mean there i was surrounded by people i do not know and honestly dont really like waiting. not knowing where she was. sigh. nvm. guess its over. one of the worse outings i had to endured. one of the worse time going to the movies with mag. behaving like strangers. guess thats part and parcel of relationship. zouk was ok i guess. dont really have the mood. dint want to put aeroplane again. was good to drink and unwind a bit. nothing much.

jan is gone. sent him off with mag. felt weird. really weird. ha. kinda miss him. am straight alright. but as a friend. as a buddy. of twelve years. dint really shake his hands or hug or anything. but guess its in the heart. he be gone for 4 years. pretty long. heard him say his scared of going. who wouldnt be. i could understand. i might be leaving to join him soon. somehow could see the sadness in him leaving. not really his usual self. new place new environment new friends. alone. not to sound bad. but luckily he will be there when i go over. reason for a smile. was thinking to myself if hes around he will probably be asking people over to his place for the finals tonight. lots of relatives there. felix was there too. yf couldnt make it due to work. wonder who would be there when my turn to go comes. or would i be just leaving myself. ha. rejected by ntu. at least its official now. can start planning. and prepare mentally and physically. thank Him. for i know He had it all planned for me. and jan if youre reading this be sure He will be watching over you and there by your side. for its His will. take gladness in it. see you in 4 months time pretty fast eh.

pressure sets in when you spend the amount of money to go overseas to study. wouldnt want to fail your parents and love ones who supported you. guess its positive pressure to turn into motivation. determination. really hope that mag can join me there to study. how? not quite sure now. hopefully i can find a way out. pray for a miracle and you will get one. if you believe. mum in full support of me going over to rmit saying its not a problem financially. its a lot of money i told myself. think starting to go work after ord might be a better idea. but nowadays the paper count a lot. dont they. 2 years for me if i go over. seems short. adding to the 4 months break at the end of the year. be there for like actually only 16months. sigh. never easy to put everything behind and move over to a new place. leaving the comfort. but guess mag its right. its a good opportunity to learn to be independent. not trying to sound like a sour grape. but guess thats the main difference in studying locally and abroad. the experience. lots made it. why shouldnt i.

wonder how jan is gonna do his house keeping. probably end up getting a maid. ha. but guess he will learn. and become a habit sooner or later. thats how the environment can work on people. making people do what they would normally not. definitely not out of choice. cause there isnt any.

off tomorrow. finals later. portugal greece. boring. will try waking up to watch. be praying for you jan. be praying for myself too. be strong for He is there. right beside you.





stay humble. stay true. to yourself. to God.
desmond scribbled at 1:04 AM.
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